I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
