well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Found your dick twin last night
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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