I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
