there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
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I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
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I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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