I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
We are all done wearing pants today
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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