Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
