Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
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he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
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