if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
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I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
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So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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