You made me cry and you don't even care
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
