"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
