I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
she told me i tasted like america
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i've created a new STD.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
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