I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.