Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
23 People Have Step Parents That Are Younger Than Them
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great