My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
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Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
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i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
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