I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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