On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
