You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
