If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
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