I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
You left your phone here
Wait...
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