ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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