Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
