I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
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