I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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