I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
