Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
You're breaking my sexual little heart
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
