No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
FUCK WHALES
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