just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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