dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
You have to summon your inner elephant
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
