YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
