After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
