the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
