Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
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