Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
