Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
