Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
