I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
you traded sex for a burrito?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
It's rum buckets o'clock
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
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