I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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