We named our party play list daddy issues
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Randomize
