Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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