And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
