Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
