I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
