Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize