When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
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i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
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I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..