a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.