Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
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She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
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Then again, he has huge mansions.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win