i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
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Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
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Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?