whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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