I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
