ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
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Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
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Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize