I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
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Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
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I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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