so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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