It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
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There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
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I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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