His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
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Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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